I don't like being let down and I would rather figure things out myself and make it work somehow then ask for help and be disappointed.
It's happened too many times to count and it just makes everything worse.
I have been sick for the last 2 months. I've had four courses of antibiotic, multiple appointments and I've hit so many walls through that time. I've struggled with trying to work full time, be a mother, keep my house clean, organise/plan our bathroom renovation, all while attempting to make time for myself to rest and get better without feeling guilty or pressured.
This week my doctor sent me to get a chest x-ray to make sure nothing was being missed and I just found out it's come back clear. They swabbed my throat and confirmed that i have a respiratory virus and my only option is to just wait it out.
I just have to deal with feeling like shit until I don't feel shitty anymore. And somehow I still have to keep on top of everything else when all I want to do is lie in bed.
Yesterday I hit another wall...hard!
I was done! I wanted to quit my job, crawl up in my bed with a block of chocolate and cry forever. And in that moment I asked BJ for help.
Today he was able to work from home which allowed me to have some support with Audrey and lifted the weight off my shoulders a bit.
Audrey was so excited to have him home today. She didn't want me to do anything. BJ had to change the nappies, get her food and work whilst she sat on his lap. He got a little glimpse of what it's like for me every day.
People often respond with 'You're lucky!' when I tell them I work from home. But what they don't realised is that it means I never get to 'leave work'. I live at my work. And i'm expected to drop everything when something needs to be done.
I wonder if work is the reason why i'm so sick.
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